I was sitting there at the poker table like I had a million times before. I was tired. I was frustrated. I was anxious. I wanted to be somewhere else, anywhere else, doing anything else. But I could not leave. I was stuck.
I was stuck to my chair. I was stuck to my suffering. I was stuck to being stuck.
Stuck. Stuck. Stuck.
FUCK!!
How the fuck can these idiot fucking moron piece-of-shit assholes be beating me? How the fuck can my luck be so fucking bad hour after hour after fucking hour? How the fuck did I ever win at this stupid fucking game?
Years of capture in this place had made it warm and familiar. It gave me comfort, to torture myself. So I did it some more, and some more, and some more, because it felt so good, to feel so bad.
And besides, I deserved it. I was entitled. I was entitled to feel sorry for myself, as bad as my luck was. I was entitled to hate my opponents, for sucking out on me. I was entitled to be as miserable as I could make myself.
And I was getting exactly what I deserved.
Stuck.
© tommy angelo 2006
Various updates:
I started a blog in 2008 and it’s still going strong. I post about poker, mindfulness, and my life.
In 2011, I came out with my second book. It's called A Rubber Band Story and Other Poker Tales. This book contains my best articles and blogs from the last 12 years, with new material too. You can buy it directly from me and get it personally inscribed if you like, here. Also available in eBook. Amazon reviews are here.
Also in 2011, I started a newsletter. Join my mailing list to receive the newsletter, and I'll send you Episode 8 of my award-winning video series, The Eightfold Path to Poker Enlightenment.
It’s now 2012 and I am painlessly immersed in writing my third book: Painless Poker.