Dear Steve Jobs,
Because I am a selfless man — a man with no interest in the fame and aggrandizement that would come with coining a brilliant and useful phrase that in itself would drive millions more to worship at the Church of Apple — and because I am a generous man — willing to give away these billion-dollar words with nothing expected from you in return (though I wouldn’t say no to a couple million) — I am going to tell you a story that I think will you want to hear.
I’m a believer. I unthinkingly take my hat off whenever I enter one of your temples, I mean, stores. In my happiest fantasies, I shave with an iRazor, and I drive an iCar.
Kay my wife has had a iPod for a long time but I haven’t messed with it all that much. For me it really started with my iPhone, which Kay gave to me 594 days ago. A few months after that, my PC became very ill and had to be put down. One of your disciples told me now is the time. I stroked my iPhone and I knew it too. I bought a Macbook Pro.
Obviously my life instantly became worth living and you know about all that. (And I don’t even have an iPad yet.) What I’m writing to point out is the commonness of my path. First one sees a friend in rapture. Then one sees why. Then one owns their first Apple product, then another, and soon one sees it all so clearly, the dark past, the bright future, and the perfect now.
Kay still has a PC. It’s starting to shed, and occasionally pee indoors. The vet gives it three months. Kay has already declared that her next computer will be a Mac. Her life will be turned around. It will be made over.
Kay is having an Apple turnover.
Okay Steve, I know I said I wasn’t going to ask for anything in return for serving up this awesome phrase to you. Well, I’ve changed my mind. Remember that razor I was talking about? I was serious about that. What I’m picturing is a really high quality razor, with a movie camera in it, so that I could see everything that I’m doing when I shave, magnified. And you could make it so that if I start humming a song, the razor will automatically find the song in my iTunes library and play it throughout my dwelling, which would be in orbit of course, on the iShuttle. I’ll tell you about that next time.
So long and thanks for all the upgrades,
Tommy Angelo
6 Responses to “Apple Turnover”
i have a similar story, my friend held on to her apple g4 forever, and i begged her to “change her life” and ante up for the macbook pro, she bought an iphone instead…, and just got her macbook pro15, magically she is now much happier and has much more spare time…
in other news i saw this looking forsomething else, and thought of you, with your pants down;) if it catches on it may be the second best rule in poker, brought to us by harrah’s no less
139. Unless a hand has been exposed, a player may only request to see another player’s hand if collusion is suspected and then so only in
the presence of a floor person.
if it’s not a time suck that is
Hi Jason,
“in other news i saw this looking for something else, and thought of you, with your pants down;) if it catches on it may be the second best rule in poker, brought to us by harrah’s no less
139. Unless a hand has been exposed, a player may only request to see another player’s hand if collusion is suspected and then so only in
the presence of a floor person.
if it’s not a time suck that is”
Definitely an improvement. I don’t think time will be sucked. The rule will hardly ever be used.
yeah it’s all well and good until you want to sync your music with that new mac…and you have to kill a case full of DVD’s to do it!
I really get the iphoria experience. Macs have the kind of simple elegance that makes life easier and prettier. They don’t obstruct ideas and artistic expression like a incontinent PC might. My Mac is my creative safe haven… But I have another side. This side is messy,its always broke and it it enjoys arc welding, conflict, aggressive competition, imperfection, raw power and chaos.
I have two plastic chair mats taped together so I can roll across my living room office from my Mac to my PC and back. Half the time the rod in the center of the chair’s wheel apparatus catches on the seam and this transition from Mac to PC or PC to Mac is interrupted until I half-stand so the rod can clear. I don’t fix the problem because it seems like more trouble than its worth even though all day I’m going from left and right and back. Some day I’ll fix it and say, “wow that was easy!” I don’t put my email, poker or accounting software on my video editing Mac even though every few years I lose everything that’s not backed up on my PC. Now a days, as much as possible, I use cloud computing – a cross platform compromise. My risk of data ruin is minimized and I can make fewer trips from Mac to PC.
I believe the day will come when hardware won’t have the distinct yin and yang signatures that make some people identify as Macs and some as PCs. Until then I will work uncomfortably between the two always asking myself if the trip is worth standing up.
Remember Wang Computers, from back in the day? It may only be in this universe that Steve Jobs didn’t go to work for that company, and we are not all using an iWang. My point? iDon’tKnow. Just wanted to say iWang. Again.
In the morning it’s doubtful that I will remember your name, or who wrote the quote, “When you argue with your inferiors you convince them of only one thing they are as clever as you..”.